Leaky Love

by Pamela Chavdarova

All is relative, the traces, the exposure, the leftovers

The past does not disappear, it transforms

Through the future it gives insights and sense—

I glanced at the window, just as I have been all day

Saw you walking by with your flatmate,

No feelings attached, just a sneer I released—

For a brief time, I knew you, now I couldn’t care less

 

Estranged and misplaced feelings remain

But no feelings of care, of anger, of desire,

Just casually saw you, as all the other have come and gone,

Under my window, all day long

You are now part of the crowd,

If I were to cross you, I would not acknowledge you,

Yet, when I hear of your name, I become still, quiet

 

I never knew you, only loved you–

No further questions there,

Of where and what time I may find you

Simply, I do not care for you

But is impossible to say the memories we made

I can or am trying to wipe away.

 

Glancing down on you, I saw what I have seen for too long, no change

Same fast pace, same burgundy coat, light brown shoes,

Long hair sticking up—I loved to play with it, though you barely allowed me to,

Only heard your displeasure “I hate it, it needs to get cut”

Discontent was your alternate outerwear—you never took it when we were at home

Memories arise, they will remain, I will let them, I was true to you and myself

I have loved you, now, I am in love with my strength

Nevertheless, I continue to miss you.