Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here tonight to celebrate the death of the patriarchy.
For thousands of years women and minorities have been
belittled, blamed,
bullied, battered,
confined, controlled,
deprived, deterred,
dismissed, dominated,
judged, joked about,
restricted, repressed, raped,
side-lined, silenced,
subjugated, sexualised,
mocked, molested and murdered.

Tonight we say farewell and good riddance to a social system in which men hold the power and women and minorities are largely excluded.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on all the things we won’t miss as a
result of its demise…
The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Labiaplasty
Anal bleaching cream
Vaginal bleaching cream
Vaginal tightening cream
Clitorial hood reductions
“Revirgination”.

In fact, any form of “vaginal rejuvenation” as I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a female who decided we all need chemically scented, symmetrical, slimmed down, designer vaginas.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Being slut shamed or to being called frigid
To purity balls, “legal” countdowns and peak nubility.
It’s an end to upskirting, revenge porn,
honour crimes and dowry deaths.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Hyper sexualised advertising
To TV programmes and films always being based
around the rape and murder of women
It’s an end to being too afraid to go out jogging alone
and never wearing earphones in both ears at night
To always having to carry a set of keys in our hand
And ALWAYS being told to fucking smile.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Women carrying the burden of emotional labour
Of wondering if and when we can really “have it all”
Of there being an 18.4% gender pay gap in the UK
Or constantly trying to shatter the glass ceiling
It’s an end to female ideas, innovations and
inventions being attributed to men
And to a world where we get told we’re
“a bossy bitch” if we speak up
and that we’re weak and pathetic if we don’t.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Worrying about Row vs Wade being overturned,
Of being convicted due to foetal personhood laws
Or of being terrified to be pregnant because your human rights are trumped by
a bunch of cells
It’s an end to living in a world where you can use Siri
to find a Viagra supplier but not an abortion clinic.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Toxic masculinity
The notion that boys don’t cry
Or that “boys will be boys”
Locker room banter
Stealthing
College rape scandals
Of victim blaming
And an end to enjoying and yet shaming sex workers.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Everything in the world not being designed for women to exist
From smartphones being on average 5 and a half inches
too big for our hands
To room temperatures being 5 degrees too cold for us
To seatbelts in cars making us 47% more likely to suffer serious injuries
and 17% more likely to die in an accident.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Doctors prescribing the wrong drugs for our bodies.
An end to 50% of women being misdiagnosed
following heart attacks because doctors only look for the typical symptoms that
present themselves in men.

It’s an end to us not having mattered enough to have had
our bodies researched or cared for.

The death of the patriarchy means an end to:

Internalised sexism, because this world is difficult enough to navigate around
without women bashing each other.

Now is the time.

We are unapologetic, unbreakable, unstoppable,
uncompromising, uprising, galvanising, and prioritising
women’s needs, hopes, and dreams for a fairer and more equal society.

The patriarchy is dead.